I’ve Fallen Off the Wagon

I’ve fallen off the wagon. I haven’t been swimming for 2 weeks. I haven’t blogged for even longer. I’m eating way more toasted sandwiches than I should be.I really WANT to be more disciplined but <insert whiny voice here>

“It’s soooooo hard.” 

I just have this very strong gravitational pull towards laziness. It’s like a vortex that sucks me in until I’ve give up and go back to eating ham on the couch instead of doing all the things I should be doing. I happen to be very good at being lazy. I hide it by walking fast and looking stressed so that people assume I must be accomplishing a lot but I’m actually just really, really lazy.

I confess to you now, the deterioration of my discipline:

Day 1: First day of exercising for this blog. I’ve bought a new swimming cap, and a new costume, so I feel very slick and professional. I make babysitting plans for my baby boy, Will. I get to gym, get changed and stand on the edge of the pool. The sun is shining in through the large, glass, windows. The pool is quiet, the water smooth and still. BAM! I’m in.

Wow…I’m actually quite fit.

Like, really fit.

This feels soooo good. I can feel my back muscles waking up. My legs are a little useless (i.e I barely move with the kick board) but apparently carrying around a 10kg child for half the day gives you some rather kick-ass arms. I’m not saying I stopped to look at my biceps, but I might have. I start lapping the old lady next to me, and I imagine breaking a record at Midmar. I can see myself crossing the finishing line, walking out the dam and waving at my family with a big, not-breathless-or-dying smile on my face.

Maybe I should set a more challenging goal than Midmar.

50 laps done.

Day 2: Based on my recent swimming accomplishments, this should be a cinch. BAM! I’m in. The plan is 10 warm up laps, 10 legs, 20 arms, 10 warm down.

My flippen goggles keep steaming up so I’m taking a little longer to get into it today. Also, that nice feeling in my back muscles is gone, and they don’t work anymore. With my stroke suffering, and my piddly little legs contributing nothing productive to the scenario, I’m not moving quite as fast as last time. But still, I clearly have to push through. This is what discipline is all about. Pushing through. Overcoming. I try to make up a compelling Tweet while I count my laps.

What? A stitch? I haven’t had one of those since the inter-house gala back in ’99.
Need to drink some water.

Ok, obviously I’m having an off day. Who needs to warm down when you swim as slowly as I do?

40 laps done.

Day 3: My kettle-belling husband has informed me that 30 minutes of exercise twice a week won’t get me fit. I’m pretty sure that its a scientific fact that if you had a stitch while exercising, you’re getting fit. I decide to do half of the session with just the kick board, because it will work my legs which is a big muscle so you get extra fitness points. Also, I’ll swim 50 laps again instead of 40 like last time.

Oh Em Gee. There are a least 3 plasters on the floor of the pool, which is kind of disgusting. And that’s just in my lane. I wonder if they’re from the same person? Who swims with so many plasters on? How many laps have I done?

Well, using the kick board is obviously like swimming twice as far because its twice as much energy, so according to my calculations I’ve sort of done about 36 laps, so I’m going to round that up to 50 and get in the sauna.

50 (36ish) laps done.

Day 4: It’s raining. The gym air-con is on freezing because of all those annoying fitness-obsessed-weight-lifting-fitness-obsessed people upstairs. I slide into the pool, and honestly….honestlyconsider just getting out and going to the sauna again. I’m pretty sure it’s a scientific fact that if you’re sweating, you’re getting fit. But I remember that my mom is babysitting my son so that I can get fit, not day dream in the sauna and get a Peanut Butter Bomb smoothie from Kauai. Grrrrr.

Kauai Peanut Butter Bomb Smoothie.
Get. In. My. Face.

I swim, but to reward my self for being so disciplined, I finish early.

30 laps done.

Day 5: I go straight to the sauna and then get a Peanut Butter Bomb smoothie from Kauai.

Can you see the vortex? Did I even stand a chance? How can you possibly overcome steamed up goggles, and coldness, and sheer bloody-minded laziness?

I started blogging about this discipline journey because I KNEW this would happen. I knew I was going to want to bail, but if I stopped after only posting 4 blogs it would just be embarrassing. Without this blog, I knew I would just stop exercising and no one would know how lame I am.

So I’m starting again. I’m getting back on the wagon. I mean, back in the pool. And back on the blog. And back in the sauna. No, just the other backs. Not that one. Back on the wagon.

Please don’t let me get away with getting back in the sauna!


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